Mar. 13, 2003 - People don't really change, they just mask themselves

I think that last night for the first time I realized that people never do change.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a liar, always a liar. People can change how they act, or what they wear or how they speak, but the actual workings of a person don't change. No matter how hard they try, the deamons keep coming back. They might only pop out to say hi, or they come back in full force, but they are always there.

It is sad too. I really wanted to believe that she has changed, that she has seen what she did wrong, but sadly she hasn't. Although she speaks at times like she has learned.

She still blames my father for her wrong doings. She said that if my father hadn't been so cranky and miserable she wouldn't have been on the computer, or she wouldn't have been so miserable or what ever the fuck else she says.

What she forgets is that I was fucking there. In real life. I saw the whole thing unfold slowly. Yes daddy was miserable, but that was because you were such a nag, a bitch and an asshole towards me and to him. You were relentless when it came to bitching about nothing and wanting EVERYTHING. You wore him down and then you spat in his face for not being a man. He had his heart torn out time after time.

We caught you red handed at times, you were at places that you weren't supposed to be with men you didn't know. You talked in a whisper late nights on the phone and never left the computer for a single second during the day. I called phone numbers I saw scribbled in your private notebook to find you at another man's house. But all of this is denied now and you are the victim. Well I don't buy it. You might be able to convince yourself, but I am not easliy fooled.

I can sniff this type of "con-artist" out a mile away now. I have no time for bullshit lies and tall tales. I have no time for the person who always lays claim to be the victim.

Debbie has raised me since I was 3 years old. She is in a way my mother, but I don't have to believe her or listen to her. I will except who she is and take what I can from our relationship, but I am not trusting of her. She has never really earned or deserved my trust.

She has a problem, actually many problems and she needs help.