Mar. 24, 2003 - Being a firefighter isn't always easy.

It is so hard to watch him beat himself up over something he can't change. I know he did the best he could when he got on the scene. I know that there was NOTHING he could have done to save those boys, so why does he let it eat at him? I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him to cry, to let it out and take all that pain/anxiety/uneasyness away, but he won't let me; and I can't.

It is part of the job, the job that he was meant to have, the job that he loves. I want to ask him why it only bothers him sometimes and not others. I just don't want to make him think if he doesn't want to. I gave him two sleeping pills, tucked him in and I left for work. I hope he sleeps well and wakes up knowing he did the best he could...