Mar. 24, 2003 - Old friends

It was weird to spend time with Jess B this weekend. I was happy to see her and to remember the times that we had together, but it made me realize how different I really am now.

I was listening to her talk and watching her drink her iced coffee, remembering all those summer unemployed days we spent together down at the pond getting high, smoking butts and listening to Tool or Rage Against the Machine, when it suddenly hit me that she is still in that very same moment where we were all those years ago and I am not.

I was scared at first, I thought ,�oh my god I am getting sucked back in� but then I realized that I actually had control over the situation now. I didn�t need that drama in my life, I have a life that I am very comfortable in and don�t need excess shit to get involved in.

Part of me wants to save her from the path she is stuck on, but then I realized that if she really wanted to leave, she would. Something makes her take that path, if she isn�t able to see what it is, I certainly can�t.

We spent all day on Saturday together. It was cool, I had my sister there to offset some of the awkwardness. She asked me to go out to the bar with her on Saturday night. I said yea sure. I had Jessica W. (different Jess) come with me. I didn�t feel comfortable going alone. Good thing too, Jess B. was hardly around. She said like 2 words to me the whole night. She was too busy playing pool and singing Kareoke.

I know she will call me, and I will invite her over, but I don�t think that our friendship is going to be the same. I don�t know if she realizes how much we have drifted apart.

I guess time will tell.