Apr. 01, 2003 - it isnt' about the kiss

The issue isn�t that she kissed a girl, that actually that isn�t the issue at all. It is Morgan�s patterns and her need to �save� people and her pattern behavior of looser friends is the issue. I want her to try to look outside the box and see that life isn�t what YOU see no matter if you think you are right or not. But she isn�t capable like that. I know that we are all naive at one point in our lives, but my sister takes the trophy home on that one. She is so pure and simple and VERY EASILY swayed.

Shannon isn�t just a girl that my sister kissed. Shannon as a person represents everything that Morgan has tried so hard to leave behind when she left Jamie. Shannon has no self-esteem or self respect for that matter and is very flirty and manipulative. But my sister will still defend Shannon whenever I say something negative about her. Why? Does she really want to belong somewhere that bad?

I know in my head that she needs to live her own life, but it is so hard to watch someone fuck up over and over again. Why does she allow people with such low self esteem control her emotions? What is it that the losers have over her?

Why is it that I won�t let her fail and fall? Why do I want to be her mother? When everything is all said and done at the end of the day, I don�t want to be her mother. I want to be her sister and friend but I can�t let that go and I don�t know why.

I wonder how long she is going to go with out talking to me? I wonder how long I will go with out talking to her?

This is really a scattered entry, but I have tried to write it several times and this is the only one that makes the most sense to me and I guess that is all that matters�