May. 05, 2003 - Cinco De Mayo

Friday night I went to Ed & Jess� house. I was still feeling a bit icky, so I didn�t drink much. I had one Blue Moon. Blue Moon is a Belgian White Beer; you drink it with an orange slice in the bottom of the glass. It really isn�t a beer for everyone; it is kind of like a Guinness, you really have to acquire a taste for it. Anyway, Ed seemed to think that it would help my tummy. It didn�t.

I left there at 2:15. I headed home and passed right out in bed. Saturday morning my mother called me at 8:50 am to talk to me. I was so pissed. I wanted to sleep and then go garden, but seeing as though I couldn�t sleep, why garden? Instead the boy and I took a ride to Amherst MA to find the place where the concert is tonight. Ok. So I thought the college (Umass at Amherst) was outside of Boston for some STUPID reason. Um, not the case. Amherst is in Western Massachusetts, which is approximately 115.7 miles and approximately 2 hours and 35 minutes from my house. Ugh. But it was a good thing that we did the dry run, because we got �confused� a few times with the map.

All day on Saturday I was having an anxiety attack. I hate when people ask me, �Why?� well if I fucking knew why, I wouldn�t be having one would I? Well I just knew that I needed something to make me forget what was happening inside my head so I knew that I needed to get high. Shit I haven�t done that in a while and I knew it would just relax me enough so it wouldn�t hurt when I took a breath. All I wanted to do really was just sleep, but we made plans to go to Don & Ellen�s for dinner and a campfire. I just needed to relax or something, but when we got home the goddamn cat got out on me and I was so stressed as it was that I screamed something along the lines of �what the fuck�� I was in the house and I started to cry. I just wanted to go and drink and get high and not have to worry about coming home or being responsible for one lousy night. We just said screw it, and we left with the cat outside and I knew we had to come home. As I was driving down the street, I saw the next door neighbor; Glennis and I can�t stand her, so I usually avoid her at all costs, but I couldn�t turn the car around at that point and I decided to wave first just to make it look good, well the fat cow had this scowl on her face and flagged me down. I looked at the boy and I said, �I can�t stand this woman and she makes me want to spit in her face, what the fuck does she want now, that nose bag?� well She lean into my car with attitude and says, �I don�t care how you live your life or what you do, but you have to watch your language, the windows were open and the kids could hear you.� I looked at her and said, �oh for god�s sake Glennis, get over yourself. You can�t be the police in this neighborhood.� And I hit close on the window and I drove away.

Fucking cow. I will get into details about Glennis later, but she is the nosy-busy body on the street who will tell you that you don�t take care of your child or �did you know what so and so did at the bus stop today?� she is that lady in the neighborhood and I don�t like her. She has tried to get me involved in her little shit stirring projects in the past and I don�t need her in my life�..argh.

Well the night was better after that. I drank 2 bottles of wine and sat by the fire all night. It was exactly what I needed. We got home around midnight and crashed out.

Sunday the boy helped his brother in law move someone and I went to hang out with Sue and the puppy. I went shopping and bought some new clothes and we went to Ed and Jess� for dinner and Six Feet Under.

I leave early today so we can get up to the concert in time. We have a cooler of Corona packed (Happy Cinco De Mayo) and some sandwiches and plan on chillin out a bit before the show. The drive home is going to suck some major ass.

I am so excited I can hardly contain myself.

My boy, Dave and his guitar�.