Jun. 26, 2003 - Questions Answered

1. What makes your relationship with Kevin different then with other people you have been with?

For starters, my relationship with Kevin is more grown-up and adult than the relationships I have had in the past. This is a difficult question to answer because I am a very different person with Kevin than I had been with Chevy (the relationship before Kevin) or my other relationships. With Kevin I don�t argue. I don�t care to argue anymore, I learned how to pick and choose my battles; mainly because Kevin is JUST as thick headed and argumentative as I am it and it got us nowhere. With Kevin everything is based on our friendship not just sex, like some of my past relationships. We actually try to help each other and support each other in major decisions. Kevin is not a jealous person, like every other guy I have dated, so he doesn�t get pissed when I go out alone and I have learned to let him go out alone because I don�t worry either. With other relationships that I have had, I always felt like I had to be with that person 24/7, even if we were with friends, I never wanted to be somewhere and he wasn�t with me. Not with Kevin, it is almost like I know he will always be there when I come home, he isn�t going to leave me. On the negative side, I don�t have the communication with Kevin that I had with Chevy or Jeremy. Kevin is a the kind of man that doesn�t know how to open up, either because he was never allowed that before in his life or no one ever cared to ask what his feelings or opinions were. We are working on it, and he has gotten better at it. We call it the work in progress. I think we do a good job of balancing things, and I never had that feeling before.

2. What has been the hardest thing to get over in your life?

I have had to over come or �get over� so many hurdles in my life, like many people have. I sat long and hard and thought about this question, I even shared this with Kevin to see what his input was. I was actually amazed at his answer : � I would have to say, your parent�s divorce.� (meaning my mother Sue and my dad) Funny how people look at things differently, because as far as I know, I have never had a problem with that, I was three when they split and I hardly remember most of that. I though maybe the death of my nana and my grandfather? But that wasn�t it either, so after quite some time I am going to have to say it is a death sort of, but the death of two of the most important relationships in my life; the loss of Amy and Chevy. I am not very comfortable going into details about either of these people, not here anyway. Just know that the hurt and pain that the loss of these people has caused me has had an enormous impact on my life. I have two giant holes in my heart that will never be filled again and I am sad about that, but I move on.

3. What is your number 1 pet peeve?

Liars. That is my number one pet peeve. I fucking can�t stand stupid people who tell stupid lies for stupid fucking reasons. I have no time in my life for shit like that. If you need �for instances�, I will gladly give you some, just email me. Ok?

4. Do you hope to have children? If so how many and when?

Yes, I hope to have children someday. That is, if I can have children. I have some serious female type problems that have caused me to undergo 2 surgeries in my uterus, leaving plenty of scar tissue behind. This makes it very hard for the doctor to know if I will or won�t be able to have children, and seeing as I am 27 now and don�t plan on having children until after marriage, I make it harder and harder to tell if I can do this or not. I want to say that I would like to have 2 children, only because 1 is such a lonely number�but I will honestly have to tell you that it all depends. It depends on how old I am the first time I give birth, if I like being a mom, if we have enough money to have two, do we have a big enough house�ect. When do I want to have children? Hmm� how about when they listen and don�t talk back! Ha. Seriously though, I want to have them after marriage. If I found out tomorrow that I was expecting, it would be a MAJOR shock and I would cry A LOT, but I would deal and adapt.

5. What is your biggest fear in life?

Failing. Failing at being happy, or having a good life, or failing at being the best person that I can be. I don�t really know. I don�t go around and consciously think of my fears, they sort of just creep up on me at strange times and then disappear again.

***you must forgive me if these answers seem to bounce all over the place, I am hopped up on cold meds***