Jul. 02, 2003 - Tick, Tick, Tick

::sigh::(my stomach has done nothing but flip flops for days now)

I have to face the fact that this probably will not work out as I so dream it will. The way we want it too.

I called at lunch time and she said that she will call me back when the credit reports come in. Well...are they writing them with imported ink on magic paper? It only takes 2 seconds to get that shit.

I am testy. I know. I am frustrated. I know. I am scared. I know. I am soooo fucking nervous. I don't know why.

It is nice to hold $10,000 in my hand. I like how it feels. I want to always have it. But we have to spend it. Hopefully Monday. (but see paragraph above)

(I am listening to "The Boxer" by Carbon Leaf. This band is so good. Very different from what I would usually listen to. But I love this CD)

Do Nothing came home last night with his/her heroine addict friend. Don't fucking tell me that bitch isn't strung out herself, becasue I will tell you you are a fucking liar. She might not be skinny, but she drinks like a fish, so that compensates for it. But her behaviors mimick Brian and that gang all too well. All too well. I think back to those days and I shudder. My skin crawls and I sort of hang my head in shame to think I even have those kinds of memories and thoughts in my head of people like that with a first hand view of such scum bag loosers. ugh.

Ok back to the stupid people who NEED TO CALL ME NOW!!!!!