Jul. 30, 2003 - Morgan must move

I knew the moment that Morgan told me she was moving in with her mother that it was a bad idea. I knew that it wouldn�t last. I just didn�t know it would only take 2 months for Morgan to realize this, I thought it would have been longer.

I did know however, the moment dad told me that they didn�t get that apartment but decided to go back to Sue�s house it would be a volatile situation. And.I.Was.Right.

She describes herself as feeling like she doesn�t belong anywhere. Like she doesn�t have a home or a place to fit in. She feels like she is constantly on the run from something or to somewhere.

I can relate. I felt that way for years after I was kicked out of the house and moved in with mom. I always felt on edge. I couldn�t read a book because my mind was going a million miles in every which way. I couldn�t watch T.V. because I felt like I could be out looking for that one thing that made me feel safe/relaxed/in control. I was in search of something, but what? I only felt safe driving in my car. The only thing I had control over was where that car went and how fast. I couldn�t even talk to my friends about how I felt. No one understood. But one day, and I actually don�t know when; but I just stood there and realized that I was no longer feeling like that. I realized that whatever I was in search of, I had found. I guess. Did I really find something if I hadn�t even known what I was looking for?

I just know that sitting there last night listening to Morgan talk about how she has been feeling and what she describes as running, all I could do was nod my head yes to EVERYTHING she said. She has the choice to put her life in her own control. I can�t do that for her, but I gave her three options. None of which are going to be easy, it will be interesting to see what she chooses. I know she will wuss out and stay.

I told her that she has choice one: Talking to her mother. Tell her mother that she isn�t happy and that things need to change, they need to get their own place and move into an apartment where it is just the two of them, none of the bullshit of Auntie Sue and that whole messed up situation. If her mother is really interested in making this work, maybe hearing it from Morgan will make her step up to the plate and take responsibility. (probably not, but it is worth a shot)

Choice two: Suck it up. Tell her mother she is moving back in with dad until they have their own place. Her mother will be PISSED, but fuck her. She will get over it. She has to. Morgan is her only child and the only thing she has in this world.

Choice three: Sit down and write/talk to Kevin and ask if she can move in with us. She will have her own room, her own phone line if she chooses (IN HER NAME) she will be responsible for herself. I don�t cook dinners, I don�t do laundry and I don�t clean for her. If she comes home and there is food made, she can have it. She can basically come and go, but I will know that she is safe and relatively stress free. She needs to finish school and start her life.

I don�t think she will choose # 2 or # 3. She is too afraid to hurt her mother. I don�t know why though. Her mother has proven in the last two months (especially this past weekend) that she is in this for herself. I knew moving to Sue�s house would mean that Deb didn�t have to put 100% into this. I find out from people that Deb works with that she has called out most of the summer, so how is she saving money to move out? I knew when she was living with Dave it was all a game and an act. She is not mother of the year and I knew she wouldn�t keep up the performance.

I know how hard it is to feel like Morgan has been feeling for the last year or so, but like I told her, �Only you have the power to control how you feel about your life and the direction it goes in. Yes you have to depend on people right now and it sucks, but fucking be lucky you have people to depend on. Some people out there don�t have that.�

I hope she makes a move soon. This stress isn�t good for anyone.