Sept. 18, 2003 - Dead dogs and Strange Dreams

I was driving down the road today coming back from lunch, and it hit me; I actually own a piece of the earth. I know it isn't much, but I own 9,050 sqft of soild ground. I own it. No one can come on my property unless I want them to. This is amazing to me.

I have been going through a ton of emotions this past week. I have been spending a ton of time trying to work them out. This new house, the move has brought some STRANGE dreams as of late and a ton of things I had thought I burried have resurfaced.

I was in bed the other night reading The Lovely Bones, and when I was reading the part about Holiday joining Suzie in heaven I burst into tears. Tears for my dog Spike. My beloved dog of 15 years, who was put to sleep in February of 2002. He was put down not because he was old, but because my parents were selling the house/getting divorced and my father couldn't take the 85lb dog with him. I cry now as I sit here thinking how unfair that was to my puppy. I cried for Maddie, my other dog. Cocker Spaniel, all he wanted to do was play ball. My father found him a home. I miss Maddie and his ball on the stairs late at night.

I have been dreaming of people from my past. People who really never meant much to me. Timmy from first grade was in one of my dreams, so was Kim Wood from junior high and countless others who have been making their cameo appearences in my dreams at night. But the most disturbing dream was the one of my grandfather who called a prostitute to come to his house. What is most disturbing though, my grandfather has been dead since 1997, and in my dream it was my grandmother who had passed. I was screaming and yelling at him, "How could you do this to grandma? How could you do this to the family?" Very Strange. Then their was the lighthouse in the front yard with the half built 52 foot sail boat underneath it. I woke myself and Kevin out of a deep sleep with my wimpering and crying. Strange.