Oct. 02, 2003 - A look at the past

October 1993

I was 17 years old in my Senior Year in High School. I was working at McDonalds for $3.45 an hour.I did not have a car and I hated my home life.At the time I was dating this looser kid Curt and trying to break it off with him.I was doing what I had to do to get into College so I could leave home.I was so sure I knew who I was and what I wanted. I was so young and fresh and full of piss and vinegar.

October 1996

I was 20 years old and had been out of college for three semesters.I was working at Boston Market and some odd part time jobs for no more than $7.00 an hour. I had a brand new 1995 Ford Aspire for a car and a huge car payment to go with it; I still hated living and home and was kicked out in November that year. I went to live with my mother for the first time in my life. I had broken up with my boyfriend Jeremy of 2 years and was totally devastated and couldn�t breathe with out him. (Ha how silly now that I look back at it!)I was doing all I had to do to make money so I could put gas in my car so I could be away from home as much as possible. I wasn�t so sure I knew anything about friends, my life or myself. I was jaded and became angry.

October 1997

I was 21 years old! I was working for Toy & Merchandise World with a take home pay of $120 a week in a check and $25 cash. (I think it was like $6.50 an hour) I still had that Ford, but barely. I was now paying rent and couldn�t afford both. I moved out with Mom and moved in with Chevy. The new love of my life. I was having the time of my life. I was broke, partied too much and laughed all the time. I hated my father and his wife more than I did when I lived with them. I kept away from them as much as possible. My grandfather was only given a few months to live. The cancer won. I was devastated. Still didn�t know a fucking thing about myself, but I thought I did.>I was more jaded and angry, but usually too drunk or stoned to notice.

October 1999

I was 23 years old and no hope of going back to college in sight. I was working for RI Novelty making $8.00 an hour with benefits. I no longer had the Ford, it was repossessed and I was driving my Mitsubishi Mirage.Chevy and I had gotten engaged to get married, but he came home one day and told me he was leaving to find himself. I was devastated. I filed bankruptcy, which meant I could not find an apartment because of my credit. I went to live in my family�s beach house down on the water. (I didn�t want to live there at first)I was doing what I could to make money so I could survive and start my life over; I got a part time job catering. It was only a few months since I lost my grandfather, and I just found out my other grandfather was going to die before Christmas. Cancer won again.I started to look at myself and started to grow from situations and learned who I was and how strong I really am. Not as angry anymore. More hurt than anything, more tears. Crying was a new thing to me.

October 2003

I am 27 years old. Desperately need to find my working niche, throwing around ideas as usual. I work for a company where I am the only employee, I work for GREAT pay, full benefits and I have cats on my desk all day. I love my job for the most part. Some days can be a tiny slice of hell.Two days ago I was driving my Mazda Prot�g� that mother financed for me some time in early 2000 when my other car lost the transmition while I was driving it. Now I have my dream car, the Jetta and it is in my name. I just bought a house with Kevin. Our very own three-bedroom house with 9,050 sqft yard in the best neighborhood with the best neighbors. I am growing up and having fun at the same time. I still have serious family issues, but I don�t have to deal with them, I am my own person and I have Georgette to help remind me of that! (the best co-pay in the world!) I am happy with who I am and what I do and where I have been. I have Kevin and we talk about marriage and children and our life down the road. I have stability that I built for myself from the ground up. I am not angry or jaded. I am just grown up now.