Oct. 24, 2003 - Chevy

How could this happen? We were the best of friends and lovers. When did the love fade? To the best of my knowledge it was still there strong as ever. Apparently I was the only one who felt that love. It was four years ago today that I had to cancel my wedding. I couldn't breathe, I heard ringing in my ears and my eyes were burning with tears.

I lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks. I didn't sleep or eat. To be honest, I don't know how I functioned. I smoked 2 packs a day and I drank a six pack daily. I would pace the apartment searching for the answer, the key that would make him come home. I pulled out all the tricks, the tears, the looonnnnggg talks. But nothing. I had to regain myself and I had to hold on to what little dignity that I had left.

When I sit and things are quite, I will think back to my last day in the apartment, and my heart still breaks into two. After all the trucks and cars were packed up, we stood in the living room looking at each other with tears streaming down our faces. He said to me that he was sorry for not loving me the way he should and for causing so much hurt. I cried so hard, even now I cry. I thanked him for everything, even the bad. We hugged and I walked out the door.

Chevy opened up something inside of me that was lost for so long. He showed me it was ok to love, to be me and to grow from life. He was my everything and I miss him terribly.

I don't miss him as a boyfriend or a lover, but I miss his friendship. I miss his laughter and his calm personality.