Dec. 23, 2003 - Almost Christmas

We are having the open house party tonight. I have no idea who is coming; if anyone comes at all. I always stress about that and I don�t really know why. What-ever.

I have no idea what time I am getting out of work today, I assume 5 but usually the powers that be let me go a bit early. I hope so, because I have to run home and start to cook and get things together. I sent Kevin out to the store for some food for the party, he came home with 20 lbs of chicken wings. AND THAT IS ALL. So people, we have chicken and peppers with cheese and crackers. Um�ok.

Ha. Boys, I love it.

Christmas shopping is D.O.N.E. I mean I could shop forever and keep picking up odds and ends but I am done. I also didn�t have to go to the mall, well I guess I should have but I said no. Kevin�s birthday is on Jan 15, so he can get all that stuff for his birthday.

I ordered stuff via Amazon.com and some other on-line and catalog places and I don�t know where my stuff is. I am stressing a little bit, but I can�t change it so I will have to live with it. Did I mention that I did receive my bonus? Well I did and boy that made me feel better about things. I paid off one of my credit cards and spent the rest on stuff. Isn�t that the way it always is?

Once upon a time, Christmas used to be this HUGE thing for me. Ya know, how much stuff I would get and/or buy for people, how many cards I would get and stupid shit. But now, it is really about being alive and being with friends and family. Something is changing in me, call it growing up, call it being more grounded; I don�t know but I like this peaceful feeling. Maybe I will achieve all that I want. Someday.

I really can�t say that I want much this year. I have everything that I need. Yea I want stuff, but I don�t need it. I have my house, my new car and a man who loves me very much. I have my twisted family and my friends that keep me sane. I have my kitties who love me unconditionally and I have my job that pays my bills. I think that is a hellofalot if you ask me. I am a very lucky girl.

I miss you. I wish you were here. 12/26/97

Happy Holidays. Enjoy.