Jan. 19, 2004 - Marriage? Um, yea but no thanks.

I feel icky. I am all stiff and my joints hurt. I have a dull sore throat and I feel queasy. I hope it isn't the flu or something to that affect. I just had the cold from hell over the holidays.

My neck is so stiff you could bounce quarters off of it. Now only if my ass would do that...

I just talked to Kevin for the 5th time today and the guys at the fire house are in the back making fun of him and saying things to "get him in trouble". I told Kev to tell them to fuck off, and he did! He told them and they laughed. So he put his partner on the phone and I told him that Kevin doesn't "get in trouble" and then he says, "oh how sweet. When are you getting the ring?" I laughed and told him that I don't want a ring and I am happing being single and totally committed, well for the life of the mortgage at least! He laughed.

Why are they such assholes? Isn't usually the girl who is pushing for a ring? I DON'T FUCKING WANT ONE. STOP ASKING. I am happy, we are happy, things do not need to change. Yea marriage is a good idea, but what will it change? I am scared to death that marriage will change what we have, or that I will fail at it. I hate to fail, so why set myself up for that.

We have so much to learn about one an other before we get married. I know that this year will mark our 4 year anniversary as a couple, but now with the house, we need to make sure we will last. I don't know. I just feel fine with things the way they are. I don't see what the rush is. I know he loves me and I love him. We don't need a piece of paper to tell us that. I have bills, joint credit cards, joint bank accounts and a mortgage that bind us together...