Jan. 27, 2004 - If you are happy and you know it clap your hands

Snow is on the way. Not overly excited about this. Maybe I will be snowed in at home tomorrow and I can finish painting the living room. Ha. Last night we went to the Home Depot to get the paint. I decided on this brownish tanish color. I hate choosing colors, they always look different once you get them up on the walls and depending on what type of natural lighting you have, the colors can look totally different than what you expected. I wish I went a bit darker, but I am hoping that the second coat of paint will darken it up a bit and I know once the furniture is in place and the curtains hung up it will be a much warmer space.

Yawn. Yea I am that boring.

Someone asked me the other day if I was happy or not. I said yes, but now I just don�t know. I mean what is happy. What is it really all about? I have everything I want so that makes me happy right?

I just don�t know. That is my goal this year, to find out what happy really is. I guess. Well for me at least. I have been working on this for quite sometime now and I really want to get to the bottom of it.

Maybe I am already happy, except I worry that I may not be so I miss the moment. Or is happy only something that comes in brief spurts and that is how you know what happy is or am I always on this high of contentment so I never really know what to expect out of being happy or not. This all made much more sense in my own head.

I want to be happy about life. I don�t want to waste it, but how do I change? Do I need to change? I just don�t know the answers and it scares the hell out of me.

Am I the only one who thinks like this? That scares me too.