Feb. 05, 2004 - Being a big sister

My eye still hurts. It doesn�t look as bad as it did the other night, but my eyelid is all puffy and droopy so I look like I am stoned in that one eye. I never knew how much I actually touch my left eye until yesterday. Every second I was like, �ouch� or �shit that hurts� and then I realized that I was the one making my eye hurt by rubbing it or touching it. How annoying.

Morgan called yesterday. I left a note on the door for her just asking her to call me if she was at the house. She was crying and started to get really emotional. I told her to make plans to come over around 5:30 so we (Morgs, Kev and myself) could talk about things.

Her whole thing is that she is so confused. I know it is hard enough being 20 years old as it is with out the problems of a newly divorced family and a crazy mother who is unstable as the day is long and an ex boyfriend who told you he wanted to hear your voice as he dies. So I understand, but only to a point.

Morgan has been staying with her mother, Debbie for the last week. Her mother lives in the basement of a house that is occupied by the mother�s sister, Sue, Sue�s 14-year-old grandson, and Debbie and Sue�s mother who has Alzheimer�s. Morgan lived there for a mere three months last summer. She was told she was going to have her own room, but then she ended up sharing a room and a bed with her mother. This is how she came to live with me in the first place. I just couldn�t have her living in that house with those conditions. Not to mention the dogs that piss and shit where ever they want, the constant chain smoking and the list could go on for hours. Well it seems that Deb wants Morgan to come live with her again and she has been talking to Morgan about it since Christmas (after we fought about Morgan getting a job).

It seems that Morgan�s mother wants her to live with her in that house. She told Morgan that she would pay all her bills, pay for books for school and all Morgan had to worry about was just going to school and getting good grades. Now the funny thing about this, if her mother can afford to pay all of Morgan�s bills and books, why can�t she afford to get an apartment for the two of them to live in? Let Morgan be responsible and pay for her own things AND go to school, that way the mother can pay the rent and the utilities? Makes sense to me. There is more, but it is so exhausting to me.

I will spare the drama and the feelings I have towards her mother, but what last night boiled down to was this: Morgan can stay at our house. She has to work full time, pay us $25 a week, sweep and vacuum the floors, do the dishes and help with laundry and she needs to seek professional help she is also not allowed to talk to Jamie. If she decides not to go back to school full time in September, then she has to give us $50 a week towards rent. If she doesn�t like these rules, then she doesn�t have to live with us.

I told Morgan that I am not going to sugar coat this shit for her. The reality of it all is that Morgan is an adult and she needs to start living like an adult. I told her that her mother is trying to persuade her with all these empty promises. I asked Morgan if she honestly thought mom was going to be able to pay for her bills, and she said no. I explained to Morgan that I am not here to build her up only to tear her down. I am not going to lie to her and make her want to come live with me because it is the promise land. She can come live with me because I live in the real world. If she wants to grow, live and learn and be on her own then she can stay at our house, follow our rules. If she thinks that living with her mother will be what is best for her, then go live there.

We want Morgan to do what is best for Morgan. (at this point she was crying) I asked her why she was crying, and she said, �because I sit and think for hours and I never have any answers. I don�t know what is best for me, I doesn�t know how to make decisions�.�

Well little sister, you need to start learning how to make decisions and you need to figure out who you are. You need to grow up and be responsible for yourself. These are the things that come hell or high water, I will teach her. She had a ton of information to digest last night, so I told her to think it over for a few days and get back to us.

I can not stress enough how irritated I am that her mother would make empty promises to her like this. It would probably make more sense if you knew why I don�t like her mother in the first place, but I don�t have enough time in my life to start that story from the beginning�