Mar. 24, 2004 - update on Gram

So she had a massive stroke, they rushed her to the hospital, the doctors sent her for a C.T. scan. While Gram was having the C.T. done, she had a seizure. Her blood pressure has been through the roof for over a month now and 5 weeks ago he said that she should have died because of it, well she didn�t but because the blood pressure was so high, it caused veins in her brain to explode. Sort of like an embolism but not really (had to be there first hand to get this explanation.) Once this was all said and done, she lay there not quite in a coma, but not quite conscious either. No heroic measure are to be taken, a DNR was signed.

The most amazing thing happened�she woke up. Yeap, after all that, she woke up and started to talk. Now I don�t mean talk like you or I would talk, but she was making sense, her speech is slurred, but she is talking and smiling (again thankfully she has Alzheimer�s and really doesn�t know much about what�s going on, let alone where she is). The doctors are absolutely AMAZED that she is alive still, let alone talking and smiling. Due to the stroke, her right side is paralyzed, she will not be able to walk, eat or stand on her own from hear on out. If she stays on the up and up, she will be released from the hospital on Friday morning. Can you believe it?

Hasn�t this woman suffered enough already in her life? She was an alcoholic, just when she sobered up she had about four years before the Alzheimer�s really set in and since then she has spent everyday wondering who the people are who take care of her. Something just doesn�t seem right about all of this.

Now what I am going to say may or may not shock some of you and quite frankly I don�t care right now. But I am not upset by any of this, I won�t cry and I can�t cry. I don�t feel anything for this woman. I don�t wish her any harm and I want her to pass with out suffering, but for the most part I don�t have anything else there. I cried more about my cat than this.

I always felt that she was a harsh, harsh bitter woman. Never overly nice, she berated me as a child and always belittled me every chance she could get. I see where Satan gets it from; it must be hard to be a loving woman if your very own mother was as cold as ice. I don�t have one good memory of her at all, I can even remember some good times when it comes to Debbie, but not Gram (so that shows how few they must have actually been). I don�t even remember when the last conversation I had with her when she knew who I was. (I talked with her at Christmas, but she screamed at me for taking the man away from her and she chased me down the hall into the kitchen and she was going to hit me. Yea that was a fun day)

I don�t know if any of this stems from me not really having anything to do with my sister�s family anymore or what, but I feel rather strange about not having feelings. I guess this is just another situation I must sort out with Georgette. More therapy for me! Whee.

My sister feels the same way that I do surprisingly, except Morgan is upset because she is watching her mother looser her mother. Ya know. It is all so strange, so strange.

I just wish that Gram would go in peace, free her soul and her mind from that prison she has been trapped in for so long now. It just isn�t fair�