Jul. 29, 2004 - Holy shit! An update.

Sometimes I find it more of a chore than a joy to come here and update. I don�t have much to discuss. I feel that I am writing cliff notes instead of actual journal entries. I just don�t know how to shake this feeling. I had considered not writing at all, but I can�t bring myself to do that right now. I was thinking maybe moving and changing my name; not that I am running or hiding from anyone or anything, but more because this name and this space was something that was so long ago.

I am doing well. I have lost 38 pounds since May 5th; I had a minor setback the week I went to the wedding, but other than that I am right on track.

I have been so busy doing so much stuff. July was going to be a busy month regardless of being with out work. We had the wedding which was fantastic. I still don�t see the need to spend $60,000 on a wedding; but to each his own! We partied so much that weekend. I went off the diet for the most part and I had such a good time. It was nice spending time with my family like that. I enjoyed sailing more than anything that weekend. We came home from the wedding on July 5th, unpacked spent the day lying in bed not doing much getting ready to gear up for Dave Matthews the next day.

DMB was absolutely fabulous (Dude, I miss that show so much�Do any of you remember that show????) I loved every second of the show and wished that I had more of my friends there with me to share it�I am such a fucking geek that way. I have come to many conclusions this summer and one of them is that I am truly happy being bare foot and dancing in the wet grass smelling flowers. I am a hippy at heart and I have no idea why I have denied myself that for so long�(thanks Morgan for helping me realize that and letting me share that with you at 4 a.m.) Anyway Dave was awesome.

We got our Abbey puppy and she is simply divine. I know everyone loves their dog, but I have to tell you; I ADORE my puppy and almost everyone who meets her falls in love with her and wants to take her home. Even our vet told me that she is a special dog and that most puppies are �cute� but Abbey is so much more than that. We take her everywhere and she plays with all kinds of dogs, children and kitties (she LOVES her kittens). The first few nights with the pup I wanted to die. She did not take to crate training all that well at first, and I was needing some serious sleep so the combination was not fun (whining puppy and cranky mom = disaster) we worked it out and now things are going better. In three weeks we have only had 10 accidents in the house. We are working on sit, stay, heal, and come�but she is only 9 weeks old and wants to chew on the mommy�

Kevin and I are doing well. Emotionally we are stronger than ever and I don�t know why or what it was that brought us there, but I like it. Even with the stress of me not having a job and him working 85 hours a week, we are getting along almost seamlessly. We have made some wedding arrangements and have agreed on a few minor items. I know it is coming and I just can�t wait anymore; I want my ring damn it. I know that something is in the works, I just don�t know when or what�that part is killing me!!!!!

This isn�t going to make any sense to the rest of you, that is unless you go waaaaaayyyy back and read some old entries from October and possibly December, but I finally got to talk to Tara and told her why Kevin and I are not really friends with Paul and Carrie anymore. She said that she sort of knew the story, but once I started talking and told her the truth about what happened that night at the bar when Carrie left me; she realized that she didn�t really grasp the whole story until then. Amazingly Tara agreed with me and told me that she feels the same way about most of the situations that I told her bothered me. I came right out and told her that Paul skeeves me the fuck out. He reminds me of a child molester and I find him quite repulsive. (Tara is Paul�s sister in law) She told me that she feels that way too! I felt better coming clean to Tara, now I don�t feel like this �dirty� little secret is getting in the way of us hanging out like I have wanted to do for so long.

True to Paul�s style; he is going around telling everyone all kinds of stuff about me and I think it is so funny. At first I was worried about how people who take the information, but as I am finding out, most people think he is emotionally disturbed and border line bi-polar so I have nothing to worry about. Paul called Kevin to tell him that he saw Heidi at a gas station and turned his car around so he could talk to her, (Heidi is Kevin�s ex girlfriend who Paul HATED while Kevin was with her and still couldn�t stand her even when Kevin broke up with her�). Paul told Kevin that they were going to go out to dinner with their spouses and hang out. I know this doesn�t sound like much just reading it, but Paul did this to 1) to try to get me and Kevin to fight about Heidi and 2) just to be a dick. It didn�t work though, we (Kevin and I) laughed at how much of a looser Paul has turned out to be. Like I said this isn�t interesting to most of the people reading this, but to us it is quite amusing.

We just had our tattoo party and it was a hit! We are going to have another one as soon as we have another free Saturday. Scott got here at 10:30 in the morning and didn�t leave until 2:30 a.m. the following day. He did 11 tattoos and made some decent money for himself. I wasn�t going to get another tattoo, I thought that five was enough, but I broke down and went for it. I now have this trail of stars that goes from the bottom of my big toe across the top of my foot and it trails down the side of my foot towards my heel. This thing hurt more than anything I have done to my body in my whole entire life. I did not cry, but I was damn near it though. I don�t think that getting it done at 2 in the morning helped either. It is so weird to look down every day and see this thing on the top of my foot. I know I have other tattoos, but I don�t have to see them; this one I have to see all the time. Good thing I like it. Kevin got another one too; he is actually going to be working on getting a full sleeve so he is in the process of designing and collaborating with Scott. It should be interesting.

We are all set for our ugly Hawaiian shirt party. The band is booked and the word is spreading quickly. I fear that almost 200 people are going to show up that weekend and I don�t know what the hell to do with that many people!!

The job hunt is slow. I read the paper and I look all the time, but nothing is jumping out at me. I still go to the unemployment place every other week, but that isn�t really helping either. I don�t find much of what they have to offer very helpful. I took this test thing to see what field�s best suit me and what jobs I should be looking for�yea well it told me that I am creative, artsy and business goal orientated. NO SHIT SHERLOCK. I already knew that�I just can�t find jobs that read: looking for one kick ass cool chick to be creative, artsy, business orientated and who doesn�t like to be micro managed. Job has full benefits and pays $18.00 hourly. Three weeks off every year and paid holidays, vacations and flexible scheduling. Please apply in person for an on the spot interview.

Sigh.

My father is turning 50 in one week. I can�t believe that my father is going to be 50 years old. When I close my eyes and I think about my dad and when I was growing up, he still seems in his thirties to me. Does that make sense? I don�t think of him as getting older. I don�t know. I guess I just don�t want to face the fact that my parents are getting older. My sister and I are planning a surprise birthday party for him. He is going to kill us, but ah fuck him. We went and had our pictures taken on the beach the other day and are having a portrait of us done, along with a scrap book that we made him of all our old cards and photos of us through the years. I know he is going to love it.

Not much else is going on these days, just common day to day shit that I just don�t find it in me to sit and write about. Like I said this seems more like a chore lately and I can�t promise that I will be better with this�.